I [heart] Natalie Portman

Did she and her friends really talk about little pricks getting big in the mouth and dealers? My kind of girls! So long Mike, we'll hardly miss ya. Robin, you're just hanging on by your fingernails, aren't you? Kevin's making a nice run to join the brothers and Jennifer in the finals.

Darwinism

I change my mind about Lance and Keri. They will make it as a couple, and the rest of the population's gene pool will thank them for it.

Etc.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm living Top Chef in my house--at least the part of the show where the contestants are constantly yelling out how much time is left on the clock. That's what it's like in the morning when I'm trying to get the kids out of the door: "Fifteen minutes to get dressed and brush your teeth!" "Ten minutes until you have to leave!" "Five minutes--why are you still in your pajamas?!"

The Amazing Race is back. Because I don't watch much live TV, I didn't even know it had re-started, so I missed the first episode. But I'm caught up enough to know that the over/under until Lance and Keri's divorce (yes, I know they're not married yet), is 18 months, and I'm taking the under.

H and I had a conversation the other day about making good decisions. I asked her if she'd make good decisions when she's an adult and she said, "Of course mom. It's not like I'm going to smoke and get tattoos." Well, at least I can check those two worries off my list.

Tough hockey day today. T's team dropped their first game of the season, and it was also the first game where he didn't score. Hmmm, coincidence? And then we went to the Blackhawks game, which they lost to Dallas, the difference being the goal that literally slow-bounced past Huet into the net. Poor guy--I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say it was a fluky bounce. But I think the guy needs to see a sports shrink because that has got to mess with his head.

Maybe I have a green thumb after all

I got 2 out of 3 of my orchid stems to re-bloom. Not bad for a city girl.

OK, now she's just milking it

Scene: H's room, at bedtime last night.

H: Mommy, will you snuggle with me?
Me: Sorry, honey, not tonight--I have a lot of stuff to do.
H: But mommy, I'm going to college in 10 years. Every second counts.

Time Flies

H turned 9 on Friday. I was putting her to bed last night, and she noted that she'd be off to college in 10 years. Then she commented on how that was almost the same amount of time as she's been alive so far. She got very emotional and told me how she didn't want to let go of mommy yet. Then it really hit me: she's halfway to 18. They grow up so fast, and I don't want to have any regrets about the time I spent with them when they were all mine. So from now on, it's just about cherishing the moments.

Me and T

Scene, in the car yesterday

T: Mommy, what kind of jobs make a lot of money?
Me: Well, there are all kinds of jobs, but money shouldn't be the most important thing.
T: I know, but I want a lot of money so my kids can have a good life.

Aww.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up...

I broke the news about Santa Claus to H the other night, and it did not go well. We were talking about friends who recently got puppies, and then it was suddenly as if a light bulb went off above her head. She said, "I think you and dad are Santa Claus which is why we never get a puppy even if we ask for one." That led to a whole discussion with both kids about some of the implausities, and I neither confirmed nor denied. T asked how he could really come down the chimney, and H couldn't believe he could get all around the world in one night. I told them to remember the Santa Clause movies that explained all this. Right before bed, H was flipping through the American Girl catalog and making a Christmas list. She handed it to me and when I asked her why we weren't mailing it to Santa, the discussion came up again and she pleaded, "just tell me the truth." (NB: when kids ask for the truth, they don't really mean it.) So I told her that Santa wasn't real, and at first she seemed OK with it ("yeah, it never really made sense that some old dead guy came back to life and gave kids presents") and then slowly her world started to crumble: "You mean, you bought me the Barbie guitar when I was 4?" "Does daddy eat the cookies?" "How do you make Santa's handwriting different?" "What about the NORAD Santa Tracker?" That last question was tough--how do you explain to an 8-year-old that there's a vast adult conspiracy to keep kids believing in Santa? She started to cry and say that everything was meaningless. I told her Christmas was not just about Santa--it was about the magic of the season: getting together with family ("we do that at Thanksgiving"), the snow ("it snows all winter"), the Christmas carols (eyeroll on that one). So then I backtracked a little and told her maybe I was wrong. I had some good back-up for that (see earlier posts re: duplicate Christmas gifts) so she seems to accept now that mom and dad are responsible for some of the Santa gifts, but there is still a Santa. I will not be broaching this topic again with either child until they're in college.

I'm loving this season of Top Chef, and I'm calling the Top 3 (which I actually called from Day One): Jennifer and the two brothers. I wonder if there'll be a romance between Jennifer and the younger one. I'm a little scared of Jennifer.

Went to see the American Idol concert last week and met them at a meet-and-greet. They could not have been nicer (except for Megan), especially Kris and Adam.

Glimpse of the Future

T was lying in bed in his boxers watching TV, playing with himself as all men do. Suddenly, he whipped his penis out and announced, "my penis is hot; it needs some air." I had a scary thought that he might resurrect that line in 10 years or so....

My Mommy Sense is Tingling

Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night with a start. Less than 10 seconds later, I heard something crash in the kids' bathroom. Turns out that one of their tub accessories that was suctioned to the wall fell into the tub. This has happened before--I've woken up suddenly, and then within a few seconds, I hear something like one of the kids waking up. It's entirely possible that I was woken up by an initial noise (one of the suction cups coming undone, a kid making noise), but I prefer to think that my mommy sense was tingling.

We're back from a long weekend in Sea Island. Say what you will about the South, but Southerners sure are big on manners. I wouldn't mind if my kids incorporated "yes, ma'am" and "no, sir" as part of their daily vocabularies.

Speaking of vocabularies, I need to start memorializing the funny things the kids say. T announced he was going to go to the University of New Hamster, and he calls tightie whities "tiny whinies." And they both thought the lyrics to "You Give Love a Bad Name" went like this: "Shot through the heart, and you're too lame...."

I Love You, Man

I've always been a fan of Colin Powell and even more so today. I only wish that he chose to take the dive into presidential politics; he could have saved the Republican Party.

I Agree With Terrell Owens?

Who'd a thunk that TO and I would be of like mind when it came to Michael Vick. I'm not condoning what Vick did nor am I even that familiar with him as a QB, but the man spent nearly 2 years in the federal pen. He did the crime, served the time and now should be allowed to resume his livelihood. I don't even necessarily view jail as serving either a rehabilitative or punitive function, but the bottom line is that he should not continue to be punished by various factions. It's ridiculous that the NFL seems to be taking a harder line against a dog fighter than players who drive drunk and/or recklessly and kill people, but then neither serve jail time nor are barred from playing.

Blog?

It started with blogging, then Facebook updates and now tweeting/twittering. Short, shorter, shortest. Is blogging soon going to be obsolete?

I'm back from a relaxing spa weekend at Miraval. It's amazing how one day back to reality--work, kids, life in general--can really kill the zen buzz. My chakras were clean and my energies aligned, but I'm quickly becoming my regular cranky self. H was in tears today because she could not get her hair to just perfect. I tried to explain cowlicks to her and how everyone has them, but she was having none of that. And I have zero patience for that. I am not cut out to be the mother to a moody, emotional girl.

Is American Idol Really a Litmus Test for Gay Rights?

I liked both Adam and Kris and was underwhelmed by both their final performances, so was really OK with either of them winning. I find all the post-finale commentary as it pertains to Adam/homophobia/gay rights/Middle America really interesting. Would it have been cool for Adam, an "edgy" dude who wears black nail polish and eyeliner and who is probably gay though he neither confirms nor denies, to win American Idol, a popularity contest for the masses? Sure. But would that necessarily have meant that the average American is ready to embrace gay rights? I don't think so. And I don't think it follows that his failure to win means that the average American is homophobic. I think Kris beat Adam for the same reason that Jordin beat Blake: America likes the wholesome, clean-cut kid as an American Idol. That of course has no bearing on whether Adam or Blake will be successful artists--Blake, you let me down on this one! Elton John, Freddie Mercury, Prince... I could go on. Adam will do just fine. I also don't buy that there was a vast right-wing conspiracy to vote against Adam (i.e., for Kris). Really, don't you think that faction is focused on more important initiatives in their agenda than American Idol?

And I can't believe I've spent that much time thinking about this....

Meow

I watched the Real Housewives of NYC reunion show last night and I don't think my eardrums have recovered yet. Ramona needs to thank Kelly for joining the show, because Kelly makes Ramona look positively sane. And Kelly, Columbia University called--they would like you to refrain from mentioning your degree from there because it may hurt them in the U.S. News ranking next year. Calling Kelly inarticulate is like calling Andy Lambert showy--a wee bit understated. Yes Kelly, the grass is not always greener, no matter how much fertilizer you use.

We are in full hockey mode at our house. T has asked that everyone call him "Kaner," but since he can't say his R's, people are calling him "Kane-o" instead. I was considering getting a Blackhawks tattoo--not Chief Black Hawk's head, but the "C" with the crossed tomahawks, but I will regret it later, right?

Go Blackhawks!

I have turned into a total hockey freak. I go to all of T's games and have even been known to watch a high school game on TV. I still don't understand some of the stats and ratings, but I think I've got the basics down. Why am I so late to discover this? I guess I have T to thank.

This past Mother's Day was my best yet. H brought me breakfast in bed (Corn Pops, yogurt and a glass of water--she wanted to do it all by herself) and the kids gave me coupon books that they made in school. I can redeem them for things like having books read to me, taking walks, letting me nap, and from T, his giving up electronics for 10 minutes! What a sacrifice! H told a great story at our Mother's Day dinner: Mother's Day was invented in 1871 by a woman who was sick and tired of having her lazy husband lay in bed every day while she did all the work. So one day, she decided that for one day, her husband would cook and clean and take care of the family, and she rallied her friends to the cause so Mother's Day was born. Then in 1873, the dads were tired of doing all this work, so they invented Father's Day, where they could lay in bed all day and do nothing--in other words, have just a regular day (her words, not mine).

Dream On?

My freaking Ti-faux went on the fritz and deleted all my recording information. So I missed last week's Amazing Race, but thankfully discovered that things were amiss before the upcoming season finale. Was also lucky to catch it before last night's Real Housewives finale and American Idol. Though not sure watching AI was actually a good thing. Danny Gokey, even though I don't know Steve Tyler, you, sir, are no Steve Tyler. Good Lord, what was that? I'm not a Danny hater, but after that performance, he deserves to go. Adam was awesome, but the best part of the night was definitely Rafael on guitar! Woo-hoo!

H's friend does an annual trip with her mom. H asked if we could do a mother-daughter trip sometime, and I asked her where she would like to go. "Vegas," she replied. That girl....

The Mushroom Owns What?

Healthy Choice Portabella Spinach Parmesan: Pretty darn tasty for a frozen entree. But on the ingredient list: "Baby Portabella's." Really ConAgra? Not a single copy editor or proofreader caught that?

Watched Batman: The Dark Knight with the kids. Not a great idea, not so much because of the violence, but because it was annoying to answer their endless questions: "Isn't he good?" "Why are they chasing Batman?" "Why can't they just throw the bombs out of the boat?" "Is the Joker drunk?" But sometimes they surprise me with their insight. During the final scene when Harvey had Gordon's son, T said to me that when he's older and if he had a son and somebody was going to kill them, he would tell the bad guy to shoot him because he would have had a longer life than his son. I was really moved by this, but then was reminded of T's youth when he said, "but first, I'd try to kick him in the wiener."

What Did She Wear Before?

Yes Kelly, now that you're a mom, it's important to show some restraint in your clothes and dress as a Playboy bunny for Halloween instead of, let's see, Eve in the Garden of Eden? A re-enactment of Botticelli's Birth of Venus? Thank god Brad left before Max showed up in just a loincloth--he may have suffered cardiac arrest.

Luke and Margie have fallen far down my list of TAR contestants I'm rooting for. Luke, if you act like a bitch, don't be surprised to be called a bitch, and it has nothing to do with your deafness. Their two collisions were almost identical, with the roles reversed, but only Luke and Margie bitched and moaned about being the victimes both times. Ugh. Oh, and don't pull the deaf card when out of the other side of your mouth you talk about wanting to be treated as if you weren't deaf. Tammy and Victor have moved up my list, mainly because of Tammy. Methinks I may have a bit of a girl-crush.

Like father, like daughter

As we were finishing dinner last night, H excused herself to go to the bathroom. Then she started rustling around the kitchen while doing the potty dance, so I asked her what she was doing, as I thought she had to go. "I need reading material," she replied. She grabbed the school directory and disappeared into the bathroom.

Oxi-Clean it!

T and I were watching TV and a commercial for Oxi-Clean came on. He was mesmerized by all the images of stains magically disappearing, and after it was over he said he wanted to buy a big tub so he could put it on H and make her disappear. So clever, observant and mean, all at the same time. That's my boy!

I will always have a special place in my heart for Blake Lewis, but damn if that Adam Lambert isn't freaking talented.

Random notes

Another funny conversation with H:

H: Mommy, who did you go to prom with?
Me: My [boy]friend, Dean.
H: What if somebody asked you to go and you didn't want to go with him?
Me: (silently ponders question)
H: Should you say, "no thank you" or "no thank you, I'm already going with someone else" even if you're not really going with someone else?
Me: You shouldn't tell a lie and should just say "no thank you."

Where does this stuff come from?

Three feet of snow during our ski trip last week. Not to sound too much like a spoiled complainer, but powder is exhausting!

Kelly was a raving lunatic on Real Housewives last night, but Bethenny (I think I finally spelled her name right) was downright rude and hostile to her. I'm dying to know the backstory of when they met a couple years ago--clearly something happened! They are all crazy. Still love Jill, though she has to not let Mario and Ramona get under her skin.

This is the most boring season of AI ever. Thank god for Adam (bona fide talent) and Kris (eye candy).

And the freaking NCAA tournament has messed with my Amazing Race recordings twice. I figured I was safe during the NFL off-season so didn't account for any overruns. Off to find recaps of the last two episodes.

You know it's bad...

...when Ramona is the most sane person on a show. Seroiusly, could LuAnn have overreacted any more to Ramona's comment about the Count being old? And for crying out loud, he is old. And could Bethenney have gone on any longer to LuAnn about the retouching comment? Oy.

In other reality news, I'm sad to see Amanda and Kris philiminated on The Amazing Race, not just because he was eye candy (though really too pretty boy for my tastes), but because they seemed like a genuinely sweet couple. I knew they were doomed the instant the interview opening the episode showed him saying they could win it all....

Wild Kingdom

This is a picture of a fox. Eating a squirrel. On my doorstep.

I was working from home when a friend called and told me to look out my front window at the fox eating a dead squirrel on my front step. I looked out the upstairs window but couldn't see my porch. I did, however, see a truck stopped in front of my house with the driver gawking at my porch. So I went downstairs and opened the front door and saw a fox run into the bushes. I couldn't bear to open the screen door, so I peered slowly down and saw a bushy tail and some bloody bits. I immediately shut the door and called the police--yes, the police. What do you want? I'm a city girl at heart. They told me to "shovel it into a bag and put it out with the trash." Are you kidding? Luckily, my contractor, who has an "I Love Hunting" sticker on his truck, was working at the house and when he came back from lunch, I nearly jumped into his arms. He shoveled the decapitated squirrel into a bag and threw it out. Later, I checked the step and found squirrel claws dug into my doormat. I think I saw a tooth too. Yuck.

Reigns/Reins

I watched Iron Man last night. It was totally fun and entertaining, but I could not believe the grammatical error I saw: At the beginning of the movie when they were giving some history on Tony Stark and showed press coverage of his ascent to the helm of Stark Industries, one of the headlines was "Tony Stark Takes the Reigns." The "reigns"? Are you kidding me? Then I thought maybe it was a deliberate error, like maybe that magazine supposedly had an error, but that made no sense. Am I really to believe not a single editor caught that mistake?

Also watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with the kids the other night. This was the first Harry Potter movie I had seen in its entirety (saw bits and pieces of the fourth) and it was pretty disappointing. Maybe it's inevitable to be disappointed after reading the books, which are so magical. I can't believe I didn't like the books the first time I gave the first one a whirl several years back. The world Rowling created was so rich and imaginative. The language and imagery are so evocative, and she weaves a story that pulls you in and holds tights. Compare that with Netherland, which I'm reading for my book group, and which I may actually give up on. I can count on one hand the number of books I've abandoned before completion, so to give up on this really reflects how bad it is. I can't figure out what's so Gatsby-esque about this book. Honey, I've read The Great Gatsby (even wrote my AP English exam on it), and it ain't no Great Gatsby.

Top Chef, My A$$

If Hosea is a top chef, then I am Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Seriously, just because he can cook some fish does not make him a top chef. I am so pissed that Carla lost--her crazy bug eyes during the confessionals well, bugged, me early in the season, but she grew on me. She was funny, down-to-earth and not annoying--a total boon in reality TV world. She also could cook, so why-oh-why would she take advice from Casey on the biggest night of her life? There is a reason Casey lost! And I would have even preferred arrogant Stefan to win over hosebag Hosea--he clearly was the better chef. Rocco was looking a little beefy last night, and I missed the Fabio-isms!

Also started watching American Idol. I liked the Pete Wentz-ish dude and the girl who sang Heart. I'm not quite sure what to make of the guy who sang Jennifer Hudson--I assume he made it through on the basis of some talent, but I didn't see it last night.

And The Amazing Race is back! The overachieving Asian brother-sister team are starting to bug me--the brother needs to cut down on the smiling--it's making my cheeks start to hurt. The hillbilly couple probably surprised everyone by not being the first ones out (they were like the beekeepers of this season--throwaway team that you assumed would be out first), but I wasn't surprised they went out second. And it's a good thing that the bickering team went out first--I would not have survived this season if I had to watch that dysfunctional relationship.

Back to Reality (TV)

Somehow, I managed to watch 4 hours of reality TV last night. It started with H asking if we could watch American Idol--kids at school must be talking about it, and since I was sort of missing it myself, I capitulated. Plus now that we're actually into the singing performances, I felt like it was OK. And I'm glad I watched. I loved the guy who looks like a cleaner Robert Downey Jr. (the one whose back story is that his wife died recently). Nobody else really stuck out for me, except the disastrously bad renditions of Michael Jackson and Taylor Swift, but he alone was worth it.

Then of course I had to watch the season finale of the Real Housewives of Orange County. I like Gretchen--she has really grown on me. I told A I should be like her and find a husband who was old, rich and terminally ill (I also told him that I was only batting 1 for 3 with him--maybe not nice, but funny!). Jeana's OK too, but that dress that showed her back fat was not doing her any favors. I figured out who Lynne looks like--Steven Tyler!

And since that segued right into the Real Housewives of New York City, of course I got sucked into that train wreck. It turns out A knows Kelly (the newest housewife) from college. She seems all right, but then again, who wouldn't, compared to Alex and Simon?

Sign of the Apocalypse

So the woman who recently gave birth to octuplets not only already has 6 kids, but is single and unemployed. Her parents bought her a small house a while ago, but they filed for bankruptcy and now live with her. She wants to be a parenting superstar. WTF? Those poor, poor babies.

Life's Too Short

I'm learning things about human nature, many of which are probably obvious. Like that people like to share personal information with others. The Facebook "25 Random Things" note which inspired me to write the 100 things about myself in this blog is making the rounds again, and I posted 25 things about myself. Some were duplicative of the 100 things, but I tried to come up some new things. It's been fun reading things that other people post, which leads me to the second thing I've noticed: people generally have the same insecurities. I guess at heart we all just want to be loved, is that so wrong?

But even as there are certain ways that we are all fundamentally alike, it's funny how we act differently on shared beliefs. I was talking to a friend a while ago, and she said something like "life's too short--why bother being friendly with people I don't really want to be friends with?" I never actually looked at it that way--I'm more of a "life's too short--why bother not being friendly?" kind of person.

I saw Slumdog Millionaire this past weekend with some friends--A and I do not always see eye to eye on movies (Paul Blart, Mall Cop? Are you kidding me?) so I took advantage of his being out of town to see it. It was awesome--so well done. On the one hand, the basic idea of the story seems simple enough(boy meets girl, etc.), but I have no imagination and would never have had the creativity to tie it into the game show/life experiences/everything else storyline.

Real Housewives

I am starting to be able to tell Tamara and Gretchen apart. Oddly enough, I probably find Gretchen the least offensive of the whole bunch--she's a gold-digging party girl, but at least she's not unrealistically idealistic (Lynne), catty (Tamara), a doormat (Jeana) or just downright mean (Vicki). I'd probably have a great time hanging out with her one night!

New York is starting soon--will have to get the DVR ready. Alex looks like she had some bad plastic surgery during the off-season....

A 60+ degree drop

Back 3 days from Grand Cayman, and I'm already forgetting what sunny and 80 feels like--gray and 20-ish here. It was a fun trip--lots of sun, sand and sea. The sand is unnaturally white, and the sea unnaturally turquoise. Had a few celebrity sightings as well--Jim Cramer, Anthony Bourdain and Eric Ripert. The kids snorkeled, and this time, T went all the way out to the reef. We went to a different reef this time, and the number and variety of fish was incredible. The highlight of the trip for the kids, however, was probably the ride in the karaoke taxi. That's right, karaoke taxi. There was a video screen with karaoke videos, and two microphones. Note: Beast of Burden isn't really an appropriate song for an 8-year-old to sing. Also not appropriate? The college-aged couple going at it on a chaise lounge during movie night. H had a fit of the giggles when she saw they were "making out." She asked if she could do that when she was in college, which brought out a resounding "no!" from me, A and A's mom. Speaking of A's mom, it's pretty uncomfortable having to explain to your mother-in-law why it's not OK for her and H to be yelling about H's beaver (sand sculpture) on the beach. "Come see H's beaver!" is not a sentence I ever want to hear again. Of course, talking about T's coconuts (the green ones and the brown hairy ones) was a source of endless entertainment. Much to my chagrin, the guppies survived our weeklong absence. Maybe I should have taken H's advice and preemptively flushed them.

Did not play any Word Twist in Cayman--I am rusty! Funny that Blogger doesn't recognize "Facebook" in its spell check, and Facebook's Word Twist does not recognize "weblog" (the 25-point word is "bowleg").

I forgot to bring my lunch today so had my first Potbelly's sub in a long time. Yum.

I was catching up with an old friend on Facebook and learned that his sister-in-law recently died (the C word). His brother is now a single dad, raising two young kids. Of course, it made me think of Susan, and I've been feeling sad, but at the same time, appreciative all the more of everything I have. And I try not to feel too blue because I know Susan's family is doing great--Phil is a great dad and the girls are happy and well loved.

On a more upbeat note, American Idol started last night and we are not watching this season. I just don't have enough time to invest in 2-3 hours of AI each week. Maybe as the season goes on and interesting talent/personalities emerge, we'll tune in for a bit. But without watching the bit players, how will I ever revel in events like my David Hernandez encounter?

Another problem with AI is it conflicts with the Real Housewives of Orange County. Much to my surprise, A is a huge fan. He knows all the players and can even tell Laurie, Tamara and Gretchen apart (I really can't) and knew that Tamara was on starting last season and that Gretchen is new. Last night's episode was jaw-dropping. First, who refers to her own son as a man-whore and then lets him flirt with her drunk, married friend? And what married friend, no matter how drunk, finds herself in a compromising position with her friend's man-whore son? Can't wait to find out what happens next week....

Idol Live!

I'm back from a quick weekend trip to Scottsdale with some old law school friends. The weather and scenery were beautiful, but Arizona is a funny place--the nightlife is very "done" for lack of a better term. Fun highlight: seeing David Hernandez (from last season's American Idol) perform and dancing up a storm.

While on the trip, I finished The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I have to say, I cannot understand for the life of me how this book won a Pulitzer prize. The writer had an interesting voice, but I did not think it was a prize-winning read. Oscar was not a likable character for me, and I hated all the Spanish that was sprinkled in without translation.

I also recently finished The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. It was a good, smart thriller, but I'm not sure how I felt about the ending. This was a book club read, as was Beneath the Marble Sky, which I really liked, and which stayed with me. That's ultimately my main criterion for evaluating a book, movie, whatever: whether I continue to think about it.