Apparently, mommy DOES speak a foreign language

In my next life, I'm coming back as my kids. Memorial Day weekend was full of getting together with friends, and we even squeezed in Shrek the Third on a rainy day, and we capped off the weekend with the pool yesterday, and then a bike ride to the ice cream truck. So I got a little frustrated when, at the end of the day, neither H nor T had any interest in listening to me. So I said, "what's the problem? Is mommy speaking another language that you don't understand?" And T replied, "yes, you say 'blah googy mama do gaya.'" If he wasn't so damned cute when he said that, I would've been pissed. The pool was fun--they finally swim well enough that I don't need to go in the pool with them! And T discovered the diving board--the lifeguards were getting quite a kick out of his enthusiasm.

I was surfing channels last night and caught the end of the Miss Universe pageant. I saw Miss USA slip and land on her butt during the evening gown strut--it was horribly funny, but I think she missed a huge opportunity during question session when her question was what moment she would like to relive. She should have answered "the evening gown competition, but instead of falling, I would have glided gracefully down the runway." Was it just me, or did the 5 finalists all pretty much look the same? And Dave Navarro as a judge? What the heck is up with that?

Tales From an Airplane

So having flown to San Diego over the weekend, and Minneapolis yesterday for a day trip, here are a couple travel observations.

1) As painful as it can be to fly with my kids sometimes, the known annoyances of sitting next to them may outweigh the unknown of strangers I may be sitting next to. To wit, the gassy old lady I sat next to for 4 hours on the way to San Diego, the OCD lady who fidgeted and banged around in her seat for 4 hours on the way back from San Diego and the large French man who kept sticking his elbow in my seat space on the way back from Minneapolis yesterday. Oh, and while that should have been only an hour long flight, I actually sat next to him for over 4 hours because of delays and changes in flight routes (this is after my original flight was canceled). Just because I'm small doesn't mean you can encroach on my space! Thankfully, I had the whole row to myself on the way to Minneapolis.

2) Who are the lucky SOB's that get to fly into gates that are close to check-in? It's definitely not me, because my gates are, without fail, at the end of the concourse.

Wait, you were expecting me to comment on American Idol? Nothing much to say. I was most interested in Blake's reaction when Jordin won, but thanks to my ti-faux cutting out early, I didn't catch it. I'm totally OK with him not winning. Blake rocks and will be successful in his own right. The highlight from last night's show? Sanjaya's cheesetastic performance with Joe Perry. I loved the wind effects and the crying girl.

This is my crappy song the producers are making me sing

I don't care if Blake wins. I really don't, because I know he's going to have a fantastic music career regardless of whether he wins American Idol. But I do care that Randy does not appreciate Blake's talents, and that Simon said that Jordin "mopped the floor with Blake" on that trite crap that was "This is My Now." Ugh. Yes, the song was clearly better suited for Jordin's voice, but really, that's all she can sing--treacly ballads with glory notes. She is completely overwhelmed by up-tempo songs, and tonight on Fighter was no exception: She's no Christina Aguilera. Blake, on the other hand, is much more musically versatile, and he actually sings stuff I would listen to. And he was too classy to say that the crap he had to sing tonight was not really his cup of tea. But you know what? I really don't care who wins. Maybe Blake is better off not having to record "This is My Worst Moment Ever Having to Sing This Pile of Steaming Cow Dung." Unless he beat boxes it, then that would be cool.

Everyone's entitled to their wrong opinion about Blake Lewis

So I called H to make sure she's not chewing with her chipped tooth (it's got stage 1 wiggliness--and yes, that's a medical term--and we need to let it re-set itself) and she said, "Mommy, I need to tell you something." She was so serious and earnest that I was expecting some type of true confession. But what she told me was for more disturbing than anything I could have imagined: When she was visiting some friends over the weekend, they started talking about American Idol. H told them she was a Blaker Girl (OK, maybe she didn't use that exact term), and they said they were voting for Jordin because Blake was yucky. I explained to her that just because they liked Jordin didn't mean that she had to, and that everyone is entitled to their wrong opinions.

John Mayer is hot?

H is the funniest little kid. She is so ahead of her years in some ways, but at the end of the day, she'll do something or say something that reminds you that she's only 6--6 going on 16 sometimes, but nevertheless, 6. She had a mishap on her scooter over the weekend and chipped her front tooth. She's recovered nicely, mainly because the dentist fixed the chip and now H knows she won't need a false tooth. And she announced to me yesterday that she is too young to kiss boys. She told me she has to be 10. I was pushing for 18, but I guess I'll take what I can get. And T is so much fun, too. He is becoming more articulate--he was getting really frustrated trying to tell A something the other day, and A was trying to "help" by offering suggestions of what T was trying to say, and T just said, "you're not listening to me." Which was true.

John Mayer looks so much better with his new Sally Hershberger do. It was totally worth the $600 or whatever he paid for it. I take back my Edward Scissorhands comment.

More Reality TV

Now don't get me wrong--I'm a Blaker Girl through and through--but I had very mixed feelings when it was just Blake and Melinda standing up there. I think Melinda is a fantastic singer, but I find it very unlikely that I would ever buy an album of hers. I just feel like becoming the American Idol would mean more to Melinda than it would mean to Blake. Blake is going to have a successful music career no matter what. So it was sad to see Melinda go last night, but she handled it so well. We'll miss you Melinda, and Bshorty for the win!

Jaslene as America's Next Top Model? OK then, I guess the next look is supposed to be emaciated transvestites. I loved Natasha's personality, but I'm not sure she was top model potential either. Flame me for fueling eating disorders, but she looked a little flabby during the Sass & Bide show.

Do we have a moral obligation to "Fashion Don'ts"?

So I just waited 10 minutes in line behind a woman at Walgreen's who was paying by check. Argh! Who knew people still did this?

And on the way to Walgreen's, I saw a woman in a lovely white summer dress. She was also wearing light blue underwear that was creeping up her butt. Did I mention the dress was see-through? In a situation like this, should I have told her that her dress was completely see-through? On the one hand, I think I would like to know if it were me. On the other hand, I would never let myself leave the house like that in the first place. Does she not have a mirror/roommate/boyfriend/husband? What is the proper protocol? It's not like she could have done anything about it unless she had a back-up outfit in the office. Or maybe she had a jacket she could have wrapped around her waist. I think if it's something like a fly being unzipped, you tell the person so they can fix it and save them further embarrassment. A see-through dress? Maybe I would have just made her embarrassed the rest of the day. Or maybe I would have saved her from making the same mistake another day. Dilemma.

Eeny Meeny Miney Mo

So I just spent the last 10 minutes arguing about Eeny Meeny Miney Mo with H. She doesn't seem to understand that if you're doing it with more than 2 people and eliminating people by saying "not it" at the end, the operative word is "it," not "not." She insisted that the person who landed on "not" was eliminated, not the person who landed on "it." (Or more accurately, the person on which "not" landed and the person on which "it" landed.) I think that's my problem--I'm too anal and precise. If H and her friends do it that way, who cares if it's not technically accurate? It works for them. Good Lord, I think I'm overthinking Eeny Meeny Miney Mo. Who knew that was even possible.

More Reality TV

Blake is safe. Life is good.

During the medley, H thought they were singing "onions in the street" instead of "islands in the stream." I guess I'll have to add that to my database of misheard song lyrics. She wanted to know why the songs were switching so I explained to her what a medley was. And that clever H then linked it to "Islands in the Stream" by saying the song bits were like islands and the medley overall was the stream.

T was so cute when I was putting him down to bed. He said, "pretend you're a girl singer and I'm Simon." So I sang him one bar of "Just the Girl" (one of his favorite songs) and he said in a funny accent (he's 4--I'll cut him some slack on the English accent), "that was great--I could kiss you." And that was our good night kiss. Though he did continue the schtick by saying in his funny accent, "but I don't like the lipstick you got on me." Hmm, do you think he watches too much AI?

Is "barnyard funk" an acceptable wine term?

So I skipped AI last night to go to some wine event. We got to walk around and sample all kinds of wines--most of the people there were pretty normal, but there were a few blowhards being all pompous and talking about "hints of tobacco" and "chewy tannins." We tried some pretty well-known (read, expensive) wines and none of them really jumped out as being extra special. In fact, I commented that one of them had "hints of barnyard funk" and another just flat out "tastes like ass." Are those standard wine terms? When it comes to wine, I like what I like and that's about it.

We got home early enough to watch AI on the ti-faux. We were so excited for BeeGees night (A can surprise people with his musical tastes--I attribute his excitement to the fact that he's old and this is the music he grew up!) but were so disappointed with everyone, even my boy Blake. Oh Blake, I worry about you. I didn't love either of your performances, but I hope you're safe because I remember the magic that was You Give Love a Bad Name. In fact, I was so distraught with last night's performances that I had to rewatch Blake on Bon Jovi night so I could go to bed content.

Look ma, no training wheels

We took the training wheels off T's bike last weekend. Sniff, my little boy is all grown up. Luckily he was the same age as H for this milestone, or else she never would have let him live it down. Though I do have to say that he was much more tentative about it than she was.

I kept true to my word and avoided both DWTS and The Bachelor last night, though of course I hungrily searched for recaps this morning. I'm going out tonight and will miss AI--I'm so nervous for Blake and hope I get home in time to vote! Could I be more of a teenage girl?

Amazing Race; Random thought

So Eric and Danielle won. I guess I'm sort of indifferent to that--I would have preferred the Beauty Queens, but it sure as hell is better than Charla and Mirna winning. And of course this still leaves open the possibility of me someday being part of the first all-female team to win. Ha!

So I was talking to A recently about how when I was a kid, turning on the interior car light when dad was driving was strictly verboten. If it was a real emergency, mom would flick on the light for a quick second all the while yelling at me to hurry up because dad couldn't see with the light on and we would get into an accident. A's parents were the same. So is this some type of universal craziness of the parents of our generation? Because it certainly doesn't bother me to drive with the interior light on.

Yes, more American Idol

Holy awkwardness between Simon and Ryan at the opening of the show last night. Ryan, that was a pretty weak reference to a blow-up doll, and Simon, if your first thought is your girlfriend when someone refers to your puppet, be prepared to sleep on the couch the next few weeks. I am officially obsessed with Blake. I couldn't even watch when it was just him and Chris standing up there for the final elimination--H couldn't watch either, and was hiding under the blanket. Of course, H's reasons for wanting him to stay are a bit purer than mine. :-) I'm not sure I really care if he wins, so long as he's in the Final 2 so he stays on my TV as long as possible. He's gotten great exposure (though personally, I'd like a little more exposure--ha!) and I'm sure he'll have a great musical career regardless of if he wins. Plus if he doesn't win, he won't have to sing nonsense like "A Moment Like This." Then again, maybe it would be cool to see how he could re-arrange and funk-up whatever the schmaltzy coronation tune is this year.

American Idol (surprise, surprise)

Ohmigod, could I love Blake any more? And yes, he makes me feel like a 17-year-old giddy girl so I'll talk like one. Melinda, as usual, was awesome, too. Jordin, not so much, but the guitarist she sang with was HOT. He was no Rafael, but still pretty smokin'. H and T asked me to vote for Blake. They were so cute singing along tonight--they love Bon Jovi.

Dancing with the Stars; The Bachelor

So I've managed to avoid getting sucked into ABC's Monday night reality brain-drain mainly by just staying away. Last night was like snarfing a plate of spaghetti after doing Atkins for months. A was watching TV and surfing the guide. H, who is a good and (unfortunately for me last night) quick reader, saw Dancing with the Stars listed on the guide and begged to watch it. I have no idea how she even knows what DWTS is. Anyway, we obliged--she didn't exactly have to twist my arm--and caught most of the second half. H loved the costumes--I guess I shouldn't be surprised considering she is H from the Block. Billy Ray Cyrus is surpisingly bad dancer considering he invented Achy Breaky Heart! Oh wait, maybe it's not so surprising after all. I loved seeing the Peach Pit gang come out and support Steve Sanders! But where were Dylan and Brenda? And Andrea, the stick-in-the-mud? Apolo Ohno was surprisingly good--A doesn't think it's fair that he has to compete against a freakin' former N'Sync'er, since those boy banders are practically pros. We missed both of Laila Ali's dances, and since I'm not watching this show anymore (I swear, I'm not), I guess I'll never get to see her dance. But I hope she and Apolo are the Final 2.

Of course since the Bachelor started right after DWTS, I got sucked into that huge time waste as well. But I think I can avoid the rest of the season because a) it's just not that interesting, b) the girls are ugly and c) I think it's obvious he's going to pick Tessa. Tessa looks half-Asian, and I was surprised that she and Tina were both still in it last night. Usually the bachelors get rid of all the token minorities on the first show--the second at the latest if they're trying to appear PC. But it was all made clear to me when I learned Andy is from Hawaii: clearly the boy has a fetish. But that doesn't explain his affinity for blondes with big noses (all 3 of them last night) and girls with fat upper arms (the psychotic Bevin).